Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a lender. When I found out that an item had been sitting in their file for nearly a week with issues, without anyone telling us, I was (I hope understandably) livid. He indicated that he felt I was attacking him, and that I was misdirecting my anger at him (even though he read back to me a note in the file that I had requested to be kept updated as soon as it came in). Ultimately, when I said “I don’t need to know that it wasn’t your job, I need to know how we can fix this”, he said “Don’t do that to me”.

Thinking back on it, his attitude is odder and odder to me. I do believe that the ball was dropped, and I do believe that my need – to hear how it happened and how we can solve the problem – isn’t out of line. But, it also reveals MY attitude. How do I express frustration without attacking? Did I attack him? What is the appropriate response when your “buttons” are pushed? As long as I’m searching for answers – why did the item have issues? And, why is it so important to me to have someone apologize when they drop the ball. Several weeks ago, my priest told me to expect more from God and less from other people. Was I following his advice in this situation?

One of my favorite morning prayers reads:

O Lord, grant me strength to meet with serenity everything forthcoming today. Grant me to submit completely to Thy holy will. At every hour of this day guide and support me in all things. Whatsoever news may reach me in the course of this day, teach me to accept it with calmness and the conviction that all is subject to Thy holy will.
In all my words and actions direct my thoughts and feelings. In all unexpected occurances, do not let me forget that all is sent down by Thee. Teach me to deal straightforwardly and wisely with every member of my family, neither embarassing nor saddening anyone.
O Lord, grant me strength to endure the fatigue of the coming day and all the events that take place during it. Direct my will and teach me to pray, to believe, to hope, to be patient, to forgive and to love. Amen

It gives me a lot to think about. And, a visible reminder of when I miss the mark.

ETA - I should clarify that I didn't feel that I was out of line, angry or attacking. I also was shaking like a leaf and near tears.

“You know what makes me feel the most like a Dad”, Eddie asked me the other day. I’m thinking those amazing hugs, the “I love yous” the foot in the ribs when you are sleeping. The answer? Dirty fingerprints on the cheese. Eddie is a lucky recipient of all of those things – the hugs, the words, the foot in the ribs and the cheese prints. He is an amazing dad and my kids are lucky to have him.

We had to forgo our Friday night Mariners vs. Giants tickets, so we drove up on Sunday afternoon to catch the game. However, it was sold out (but, hey – the Mariners swept the Giants , pretty cool!), so we got some ice cream, and then got back to the car right before it was towed, I think, drove home, had a lovely nap (our lives are so exciting) and then went out to the Oyster House for dinner. Happy Father’s Day, my love.

And, Happy Father’s Day to my own dad, who I have been playing telephone tag with. He taught me a lot and has an amazing sense of humor and a romantic streak – I have never doubted that my father loves my mother amazingly, which is a gift for kids and one that I hope my kids have learned as well. I’m sure I left a few cheese fingerprints myself, so thank you for loving me and being a great dad. Maybe I’ll talk to you some time this week! (photo of my mom and dad, Christmas 2004)