Thursday, April 28, 2005

Great and Holy Thursday - Today is the reading of the 12 Passion Gospels. Technically Holy Friday Matins (all Holy Week services are held in anticipation) this is one of the longest, but most beautiful services of Holy Week (exceed, of course, by tomorrow's incredibly beautiful Great and Holy Friday service, which is of course, technically Holy Saturday Matins).

The Orthodox don't need to see a movie to remember Christ's Passion, we hear every word written on the subject on Holy Thursday night. The nails, the scourging, the vinegar, the "it is finished".

And, in one of the beautifully sad prayers I've ever heard, the Ikos in Ode 5 which says

Beholding her own lamb led to the slaughter, Mary followed with the other women, in distress and crying out: "Where goest Thou, my child" Why dost Thou run so swift a course? Surely there is not another wedding in Cana to which Thou now dost hasten to change water into wine? Shall I come with Thee, my child, or shall I wait for Thee? Give me a word, O Thou who art the Word. Do not pass me by in silence, O Thou who didst keep me pure, for Thou art my Son and my God"

What more can I, as a mother say?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight - no, I don't know why Alexandra Fuller's book has that title. However, I just finished it for my book club earlier this week.

On the cover was a review from Newsweek stating "This is not a book you read just once, but a tale of terrible beauty to get lost in over and over."

Which I have to tell you is not the way to get those of us who are squeamish to read the book. The bookseller made a similar statement when I purchased it. They are both right. This is a beautifully written, stream of consciousness book about a horrible childhood. Alexandra Fuller's parents lived in several African countries while she was growing up. Most of them inside a war zone. And, they lost three of their five children in early childhood; the parents were both alchoholic; the parents (especially the mother) were looking for a racist ideal. And, yet, this book you can't put down. The bizzare world of the author seems normal in her eyes.

It is a commentary on the fact that what we know is normal, even when it itsn't from the outside. And, warts and all, we usually love our family, and can see the irony in our childhoods. And, suprisingly enough (for the squeamish me) - she says that Africa is a part of her, and that she yearns for it when she's not there.

It is a book of terrible beauty, and I can see myself rereading it. But, don't say I didn't warn you

I Smell Like Roses - yes, I am aware of the scatological implications of making a statement such as that. However, I cannot shake this rose smell for the past few days.

I kind of like it - not just because I like roses (which I do) and that they remind me of my departed Grandmother (may her Memory be Eternal) and my best friend (hi Kate!); but because I think that the source of the rose smell is church on Sunday. We were anointed with oil on Palm Sunday, and our oil this year had a strong rose smell. Or maybe it was the roses mixed in with the palms all over the church. And, one of those roses came home with me and is sitting in my kitchen window with some of the tulips from the garden. So, the rational part of me knows that the smell probably got onto my purse, which comes to the office with me...

But, the more mystical part of me thinks that it is a Holy Week gift. The angels who surround me reminding me of the Passion and the blessedness of this week. There are life storms going on (see my previous post and of course all the work issues that always are present) but that my work this week is to be paying attention to Holy Week also.

A Blessed Holy Wednesday to you, and may you smell roses today and every day as well.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I'm An Inept, Charity case of a Mother - last night and this morning were not banner days in the my parenting life.

We went to Xavier's baseball game last night, and we were running late. Deciding to call Cedric to let him know, the phone was busy. We asked him if he was online, and the answer was "nope". Come to find out (good sleuthing, Eddie!) that he was online while we were gone. We have few rules in the household, but I assure you this is tops on the list.

After I calmed down a bit, I went into his room to talk to him. I'm realizing as we speak that this boy is taller than me. "I'm very disappointed in the fact that you lied" he replied with a raspberry and a "well, if I was honest, you'd have yelled" "Don't raspberry me, and you are in bigger trouble than if you'd been honest" Another one, and again.

Later, he came into my room, a big bundle of bravado - "I think you guys are inept, because you only just now figured out I've been online while you are gone, and I've been doing it for a while now" (can you see the steam coming out of my ears?). I'm so disappointed in him, and so frustrated with my parenting skills. And, also, I can remember feeling exactly the same way as he does - can that be the hardest part of this story? I know that he's thinking in his head Mom overreacts, and so if I just lie, she won't overreact and everything will be easier to deal with. Even though I'd argue the overreacting thing, I can still remember that feeling (sorry, Mom for every time I did that to you).

I don't even know how to begin to discipline him. What is an effective discipline for him? Do I make him go to every Holy Week service this week? Do we make him not come home after school? Do we change the computer settings so he can't log on if we aren't there? Do we bring a part of the computer with us so it won't work? Gah! Where's the handbook when you need one?

And, then, to top it off - Xavier was given an embroidered windbreaker at baseball practice last night. I'd declined when they were ordered, as I felt they were overpriced, unnecessary, and ridiculous. And, so when I called the coach's wife said "Well, there were only two boys that didn't order one, so we ordered one for everyone and paid for it out of the team funds". Grrrr. So, now, I actually owe money for something that I didn't order, and didn't want.

Part of the point of this post is a huge pity party and PVM (Please validate me). But, part of it is a true need for advice. (Thanks, already to Leslie, LeeAnne and Susan for their hugs and advice). So, please let me know what I should do!

Monday, April 25, 2005


Someday, I'll figure out how to post photos directly into my posts, but for now, I'll have to work within the "post once with words" and "post again with photo" plan. This photo is from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer of Bono at the concert last night, taken by their photographer. We didn't bring in a camera, although people all around us were snapping photos with their cell phone cameras.

These photos printed out very nicely and I will put them on my scrapbook page of the event. Which, at my current page pace, will be completed sometime next summer! Posted by Hello

U2 in Seattle! - in a moment of non-Lenten discipline, I attended the Seattle concert of U2
So, Palm Sunday is a "fish, wine, and Bono" day for me, I guess. This is what happens when you live in a non-Orthodox country with a non-Orthodox spouse.

We had the most incredible seats - we were behind the stage so we could actually see the crew, the back of the instruments, and most exciting for me (the closed captioning lover) the screen with the song list and even (be still my heart) the words! I was able to sing along to everything because I could read the words (not that I don't know most of them by heart anyway, but they sang some of the newer songs I don't know word for word yet)!

Great set mixing the new with the old - and very rocking. I loved Vertigo, and Sunday Bloody Sunday especially.

And, because there was an oval shaped catwalk that the entire band took full advantage of - we got to see the fronts of everyone a lot more than I expected to be able to. There was a screen that I hardly even had to (or took the time to) look at.

Excellent show, well worth the money, and almost assuages my "didn't get Paul McCartney tickets" blues!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Lazarus Saturday - Ok, so today is Palm Sunday. But, let us take a step back in time to yesterday. The day before Palm Sunday commemorates the Raising of Lazarus. Palm Sunday's troparion actually addresses Christ's Resurrection of Lazarus as prefiguring his own Resurrection as well as the Universal Resurrection.

It was a pretty day, and Xavier and I went up to Holy Resurrection Church to attend Liturgy, confess, and he to Acolyte Practice, me to tie pussy willows and palm branches together for today's Liturgy.

Xavier was having a hard time with Confession - it feels so awful to contemplate all the things we've done, and he was worried about Father looking at him and thinking "that is the boy who does..." Which, is a defrockable offense. However, intellectually knowing that and emotionally being concerned when you are nine are two different things. I talked to Father a minute before our Confessions, and he and Xavier had a discussion which helped to smooth out his worries. He even smiled after the Sacrament. Meeting ourselves in our sinful state isn't a fun idea, but afterwards, I can honestly say, I feel about twenty pounds lighter.

But, the real point of my entire post, is this wonderful hymnography written by St. Romanos the Melodist in the 6th Century. Sixth Century - and we still see it today. Isn't that incredible? As a Russian woman I know pointed out - in Russian (and in English, if we think of "meli" as meaning sweet, which it does) Melodist translates as "sweet mouthed". His words are so beautiful, I can see them dripping with piety, beauty and the truth.

Kontakion
On the Raising of Lazarus
O Christ, Thou who knowest all things,
Thou hast asked to learn where the tomb of Lazarus is,
And arriving there, Thou hast raised him up on the fourth day,
O All-powerful One,
Taking pity, Merciful One,
On the tears of Mary and Martha.
The Master, checking the lamentations of Mary and Martha,
Immediately stilled them when He raised up their brother.
It was possible, then, to see marvel of marvels,
How the lifeless suddenly was seen to be alive.
For when His voice descended,
It caused the bolts of the gate of Hades
To shake; and it broke down the bars of the door of Death;
And on the fourth day, He raised up the dead; as the Merciful One,
He took pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha.
Let us all, with love, hurry to Bethany to see Christ there,
Weeping for his friend.
For wishing all things to be ordained by law,
He controls all things in His dual nature.
He suffers as son of David; as Son of God,
He redeems the whole world from all the evil of the serpent,
And on the fourth day, He raised up Lazarus, taking pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha.
Together sustained by faith,
The two announced to Christ and God the death
Of their brother, saying,
"Hasten, come, Thou who art always present in all places,
For Lazarus whom Thou dost love is ill: if Thou come near,
Death will vanish, and Thy friend will be saved from corruption,
And the Jews will see that Thou, the Merciful One,
Hast taken pity on
The tears of May and Martha."
The Creator of all spoke on behalf of the disciples, saying:
"Friends and companions, our friend has fallen asleep."
He was secretly teaching them in advance,
Because He knows and care for all things,
"Let us go, then, let us advance and see the unusual tomb,
And let us cause the mourning of Mary and Martha to cease
As I raise up Lazarus from the tomb,
And as the Merciful One take pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha."
When the heard these words, the apostles
As with one voice cried out to the Lord,
"Sleep exists for man for his safety
And not at all for his destruction."
And so He spoke to them openly: "He is dead.
As mortal I am away from him; but as God, I know all things.
If we truly arrive at the opportune time,
I shall resurrect the dead, and cause to cease
The tears of Mary and Martha."
They all, then, arrived together,
When Mary and her sister came to meet them, crying bitterly,
"Lord, where wert Thou? For he whom Thou lovest has departed,
And lo, he is not here."
As they cried out these words, He, himself, wept.
But he asked, "Where is the tomb of my friend? Now
I am going to release him from the chains of Hades,
Since as the only lover of mankind, I take pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha."
When they arrived at the tomb,
He who is in the bosom of His Father, called out:
"Thou hast sent me into the world
That I might bring life to the dead.
I have come, then, to raise up Lazarus
And to reveal to the Jews that I am going to arise from my tomb
On the third day, I who after the fourth day resurrect my friend And now
take pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha."
In order that He might bring an end to the mourning of Martha,
The Savior of all spoke to her and addressed
These divine words to her:
"I exist as the Light of the world
And the resurrection of all from the dead;
It was for this end that I appeared in order to resurrect Adam
And the descendants of Adam
And on the fourth day to resurrect Lazarus
Taking pity, as a Merciful One, on
The tears of Mary and Martha."
When the command was given with a nod of His dead,
Hades was made to totter,
And also the power of Death and the arrogance of the Devil.
With the sound of His voice,
He raised up from the depths of the earth
The one who was four days dead.
When they saw this, Abraham and all the righteous cried out:
"Now, take courage, since the resurrection of all has come.
He has delivered from the bonds of death
The one whom He loves, as He, the Merciful One, takes pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha."
Hades, now a prisoner, sees himself despoiled of this Lazarus,
Whom a short time ago he held enchained below;
For when the King of angels came against him,
The strength of demons was destroyed;
And the serpent who trails over the earth on his stomach,
Now, pierced in the mouth by the Wooden Spear, appears as dead.
But Adam rejoices when he sees Christ,
In His goodness, take pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha.
Rising from the tomb, the friend reveals his eyes
And hands bound by a cloth;
They release him -- those who have their hearts
Bound by the ill will of slander,
Those who, as they plug up their ears like the adder,
Prepare their hands for most wicked slaughter,
That they may pour out
The harmless and innocent blood of the One
Who raises up the dead, and checks
The tears of Mary and Martha.
Having heard the words of the children,
Which came from pure hearts and innocent lips,
They were all filled with fear
Saying to one another, "Who is this man?"
O madness and complete stupidity!
A short time ago they saw raised from the dead
A corpse who had become fetid,
And they do not know who resurrected him,
And who destroyed with His voice the power of Hades,
And in accord with His merciful nature checked
The tears of Mary and Martha!
O Thy unspeakable compassion, all merciful Jesus!
Who didst consent to come for me and to me,
How didst Thou calmly ride upon the ass
And advance into the city of God-slayers?
Foreseeing their terrible lack of faith, Thou didst command them
To release the bonds of Lazarus, that they might see
The One whom in a short time they wish to put to death
With no pity for
The tears of Mary and Martha.
O Savior, all came with palms on the occasion of Thy arrival,
Crying, "Hosanna!" to Thee,
Now all of us bring hymns to Thee out of piteous mouths,
As we wave the branches of our spirit and cry out:
"O Thou, truly among those on high, save the world
Which Thou hast created, Lord,
And blot out our sins, just as formerly Thou hast dried
The tears of Mary and Martha.
O Lover of mankind, the Holy Church holds a high festival,
Faithfully calling together her children;
It meets Thee with palms and spreads out garments of joy
So that, with Thy disciples and with Thy friend,
Thou mayest advance and legislate a deep peace for Thy servants,
And release them from oppression, as formerly Thou hast checked
The tears of Mary and Martha.
Incline Thy ear, O God of the universe, and hear our prayers,
And snatch us from the bonds of death,
For our enemies who always surround us, visibly and invisibly,
Threaten to have us put to death, and besides,
To deprive us of our faith.
Arise, and quickly let all be destroyed and let them know
That Thou art our God and dost pity us as Thou didst have pity on
The tears of Mary and Martha.

Let us, who are dead because of our sins, and who dwell in the tomb
Because of our knowledge of evil,
Imitate the sisters of faithful Lazarus as we cry to Christ
With tears, in faith and in love:
"Save us, Thou who didst will to become man.
And resurrect us from the tomb of our sins, Thou, alone immortal,
Through the prayers of Thy friend, Lazarus,
Whom Thou didst raise up, O Lord, in checking
The tears of Mary and Martha."
Let us the mere material world, which is always in a state of flux,
And hasten to meet Christ the Savior in Bethany.
Let us then dine with Him
And with his friend Lazarus and the apostles
So that we may, by their prayers, be delivered from our past sins.
If we cleanse every stain from our hearts, we shall see perfectly
His divine resurrection, which He offered to us when He took away
The tears of Mary and Martha.

St. Romanos the Melodist
6th century