This past Sunday (on the hottest day of the year, without air conditioning) I had the pleasure of being at a wedding. My mind wandered to what it means to be married.
Because I’m married to a Kevin Smith fan, I found myself at Clerks II on Friday night. It was your typical Smith movie – so funny, so INCREDIBLY crass - with a scene that was beyond the pale of taste (it involves a donkey. ‘nuff said), and heartwarming at the same time. One of the lines in the movie was “she doesn’t get you”. I found myself pondering this point at the wedding – how important it is to be married to someone who “gets” you, who understands where you are coming from, who supports where you are going, and who shares your sense of humor on the journey.
Eddie and I have been experiencing a foretaste of our empty nest years these past couple of weeks. One of the things I’ve noticed is that we aren’t particularly chatty. It’s not that there aren’t things I rush home to tell him about, but we don’t have those amazing stay up all night and talk sessions anymore. But, even as we are puttering around doing our own thing, it’s still that connection that each of us grounds the other. It’s what is meant by the crowns at the wedding. You are crowned with a kind of martyrdom in marriage. You sacrifice your self for the good of your spouse, and they do for you.
They “get” you.
posted by Mimi @ 7/28/2006 10:56:00 AM
14 Comments
14 Comments:
Not only that -- as you go on and on, you can be in the same household and barely speak at all, and yet feel the deepest sense of communication.
The only place where my husband doesn't "get" me is in my faith journey, a very particular kind of alienation. I know you know it, too. May our husbands both one day "get it."
I'm still at that place where I miss the long conversations. I guess I need to move past that? I do appreciate the quiet times where nothing needs to be said, but sometimes a long conversation while staring up at the stars would be nice. Who has the time I guess?? LOL!
My DH doesn't get me in the faith dept. either, and this is tough. Adding my dh to the prayer that some day he "gets it" too! :)
~ Jane
Excellent post Mimi. I remember the nights when we'd lay in bed and talk till 1 or 2 in the morning. Don't know what we talked about. Somewhere along the line we stopped talking. That was bad. Now we're back to talking again. Though not the long long conversations but they are more significant in nature. Now I find myself thinking something and about 10 seconds later the words come out of his mouth! And visa versa!
We will be married 22 years Aug. 18. That's a long time. I feel like he's been in my life for always. Not a bad feeling.
It takes getting used to Mimi. Empty nest usually happens over a long period of time.
Our kids were back and forth. I likened it to a vollyball game. They kept hitting the ball, and we kept hitting it back!
We are at such a different place now.
We laugh a lot more than we used to.
I think we were to focused when the kids were home.
You also get the added bonus of grandkids:) Which makes life go round
Clerks was a riot...I want to see Clerks 2, but my wife can't get past the "crass" of even Clerks to see the brilliance of the rest of the humor. (The Star Wars conversation was amazing, and the scene of him ordering new videos with the woman and her daughter there was such a great commentary on how immune our culture is to vulgarity...) anyway....
Talking? Yeah, I think we are all given a certain number of words when we are created and we all seem to use up our allottment of words in the courtship process. Or, it is as Archie Bunker said once "You don't keep running after you've caught the bus".
I hope everyone finds someone who "gets them" as you have. I hope it lasts forever.
Tom
someone who gets you...and then still likes you!! That's very important!
And there's nothing sweeter than being married to someone who "gets" you. It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?
I find the Mystery of Matrimony is in the bliss of having someone who "gets" you, and yet the martyrdom that marriage can be. It truly is a mystery. And it is good.
This is a wonderful post! I haven't been getting around lately for some reason..my apology. Anyway, since Danny's accident, I have been thinking about these things as well..just sort of "watching us" and how we are interacting with him being home so much. All I know is that I like the way it has been and we are a funny pair!
I think we have more of a sense of humor than I thought we would under these circumstances and I will prayerfully continue to enjoy him and me and us! Yes, marriage is to help in the sanctification of the other if it is lived well. Thank you for the post.
Suzanne
Meg, thank you so much for your comments. I am saddened that you, Glory and Jane experience the same thing on our husbands’ faith journeys. The most important thing for me is to be the best Christian I can, and let God worry about the rest. Sigh, but it can be lonely.
Thanks for the comments about Eddie and I – I agree, I am blessed. And, so many of you are as well.
Susan – I loved these words:
We are at such a different place now.
We laugh a lot more than we used to.
I think we were to focused when the kids were home.
You also get the added bonus of grandkids:) Which makes life go round Amen!
S-P Or, it is as Archie Bunker said once "You don't keep running after you've caught the bus". Bwahahahahahahahahhaa! So romantic!
Clerks fan here. Oh my! A wedding during a heatwave?! I would have done the scandelous thing and sneek away to the reception area where the staff was hanging out and had myself a drink.
I was reading your marriage link and found it interesting that the Orthodox church.... "Through penance, however, and with the sincere confession of sins and the genuine promise of a good life together, the Orthodox Church does have a service of second marriage for those who have not been able to fulfill the ideal conditions of marriage as taught by Christ. It is the practice of the Church as well not to exclude." .......how progressive! I can easily spend over an hour going through your linkage!
"Through penance, however, and with the sincere confession of sins and the genuine promise of a good life together, the Orthodox Church does have a service of second marriage for those who have not been able to fulfill the ideal conditions of marriage as taught by Christ. It is the practice of the Church as well not to exclude." .......
Yeah, isn't that cool? I'm glad you enjoy my links - I do with yours as well. It's good to see you.
I miss just having someone around to be 'silent' with even ;-)
Lovely to be visiting your blog again!
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