This morning, I finished up my 50th book of 2009 (whoot, I’m on track to make or beat my last year’s total.) The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan.* It was not quite what I expected, but interesting all the same. Her relationship with her father looms large over her life, and in many ways dwarfs her relationship with her mom** and sometimes even her children and husband. The last chapter is her manifesto, and she reads it here:
One of the things that struck me that I’m still kicking around is her comment that she doesn’t remember anything before the age of five, and if she were to die (she’s battled Breast Cancer) now, her children wouldn’t remember her.
I contemplated this thought – I have many very clear memories before I was five, but I might be a bit unusual in that – I know both my Dh and the C-man have made similar comments. As Dh’s dad died when the X-man was 3, I worry about this. One of the things that my mom told the C-man after his death was that he was the guardian of memories about his grandfather for his brother.
How do we keep memories for us and for our children? How are we sure that we are leaving an indelible mark on those around us? I know that in many ways, this Blog has helped me with this goal, but of course I didn’t start it when my children were born. Another way I chronicle my memories is through scrapbooking – but are these the memories our children and family cling to? In three generations, is anyone going to care about my paper obsession? They probably won’t but God willing, I do hope that someone remembers that I was fun to be around, had a great smile, and loved them with all my heart and soul.
*This is an entry in the “Mimi is a day late and a dollar short” department – it was the May Page Nibblers Book
** Bwahahahahahahahah – on Kelly’s blog, click on the Mother’s Day video. Giggle. Her mom rocks.
posted by Mimi @ 6/10/2009 11:06:00 AM
22 Comments
22 Comments:
I was particularly concerned over the issue of memories when I was married and moved away from my parents' home 3 years ago.
My sister and nephew moved back to my parents' house when the nephy was 4 months old, and he was 2.5 years old when I moved. Not very old at all, and I was concerned that he wouldn't remember so many of the memories that I cherish of our time together. My mom assured me that even if he didn't remember the exact things we'd done together, the jokes we had, etc., that he would remember how much I love him.
I think she was right, at least in our case. He's nearly 6 now, but we still have a good, strong and loving relationship, even though we've seen each other only once in nearly 2 years. (sad!)
Anyway, I ramble, but I agree with you-- being remembered for loving with all one's heart and soul is not shabby at all.
50 books in a year? That's awesome.
I journal, and that's how I've sort of kept track of memorable events in my life.
A few months ago this bookstore employee cornered me out of the blue and insisted I read that book. I didn't! ;-P
I don't have many memories before age five, either--some, but not a lot. My niece and nephew, though, at ages 7 and 8, remember things from when they were TINY, that I just can't believe they remember.
One thing that made a huge impression on every small kid that visited our home 4-5 years ago was Todd's enormous suit of armor that stood at the top of the stairs. I have no doubt that 40 years from now they will all remember that Uncle Todd had that suit of armor!
A few months ago this bookstore employee cornered me out of the blue and insisted I read that book. I didn't! ;-P
Were you in Pennsylvania? Maybe it was her mother, bwahahahahahahhaah.
I think you've all hit on something that we do remember feelings and impressions before we remember events, and that we remember things outside of the norm - like Uncle Todd's suit of armor.
Karen - my mom journals, but I've never done it consistantly.
PS - and Sarah, I think your nephew does remember you, because you made him feel loved.
May you see him soon!
Good for you! I should keep a list of all of the books I am reading. I am currently on a Robert Alexander kick. I read the Romanov Bride over the weekend. The Kitchen Boy last night and today I am going to start Rasputin's daughter. :)
thank you for this review. i also have quite a few memories from before age 5. i do keep journals, but i honestly don't know if i'd want anyone else to read them - they tend to be my place to vent!
what a thought provoking post. I've thought about the same thing.
I am saddened that my children never knew my grandparents... my grandfather was one of the godliest men I knew, and my youngest son looks so much like him, and reminds me of him. what is carried on, and what can be forgotten? will I be remembered by my grandchildren in the same way? it is a sobering thought.
(twas I, not avery. gah!)
I don't have any memories of early childhood. We talk with our children about their early years to reinforce their memories... time will tell if it makes a difference
I barely have memories from yesterday let alone from when I was a child! Even though I don't have kids, I scrapbook so that I'll remember the stories of our lives. I fear growing old and getting Alzheimer's; I want a record of who I was and what was important to me throughout my life.
(victoria, not avery. :)
I have memories of before 5. a lot of them, actually. and my husband doesn't. none. it's strange and fascinating, isn't it?
If I had my great-grandmother's scrapbook I would be obsessed with it! My baba died when I was six and I have a few memories of her but some of them I suspect have been created in a kind of mental scrapbook from photos and my mother's stories.
Memory is a funny thing... I know my Mom does not have a lot of memories, yet I have listened enough to get a picture of what her childhood was like, at least in part.
I have various memories of before I was 5, and some of them based on stories my Mother told me. When I was a child I continually asked to hear what I was like as a baby!
Fascinating post.
I have very few memories...if any...pre-5. Pre 6 or 7 even.
Whenever I think of memories, I think of the children's book "Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge" by Mem Fox. It is an amazing story of a little boy who helps a lady with alzheimer's "find" her memory. It always brings me to tears. The focus is that memories are not necessary linked to direct thoughts but to emotions which can be triggered by simple objects or events.
Personally, I use my scrapbooks as a way to record our family's memories. I'm a stickler for journalling and to me, the story is more important than the paper, stickers and sometimes even the photos themselves.
Thanks for a great review... I'll check it out!
50 BOOKS??? Awesome... I haven't read 50 pages this year, and I can't remember why :). sigh.
50 books! That's amazing. Can I ask how much time you are able to read a day? I'm just curious. And I think decades from now people will very much cherish your paper scrapbooks. (I am not a scrapbooker, but would like to be)
Your thoughts have provoked many of my own over the last few days as I've rolled this around in my head.
First of all, 50 books in 6 months! Good grief girl! You must read ALL THE TIME! When do you do all the other stuff?
I have memories of before 5 y.o. They are more a 'sense' than a concrete memory. Almost like a photo in my brain. The most clear memory I have is laying on a bed with pastel stripes sheets. I can see the slats of a crib. The sun is shining outside the window and is it summer or spring.
My mother tells me the sheets I remember were used on a youth bed I slept in after my brother was born. He is 13 months younger than I, so I must have been between 2 and 3 y.o. The 'slats' were the side rails used to keep me from falling out of the bed.
To this day I love fresh pastel colored sheets, the smell of summer afternoons and the crickets. All memories from my childhood.
Thanks for this Mimi. Very provoking and poignant.
It's fun to count how many books you've read in a year. I too am hoping to beat last year's total of 94. I read that book a few weeks ago and was also a little disturbed about the memory thing and also how her relationship with her dad overshadowed her whole life.
What I thought would have been interesting, more than the memoir she wrote, is a biog of her dad. He was an interesting guy.
I do have some (few) memories that take place before age 5. We moved the summer I turned 3, and I still remember a few things about the old house and the old neighbors.
Kudos to you for reading 50 books in only 6 months! Maybe if I turned off my TV I could get 50 books in :)
I had the same thoughts about her worshiping her father so much. I wondered how her mother felt when she read the book. Were her feelings hurt? My moms feelings would have been.
I'm loving the discussion of memory in this comment thread. I'm contemplating this a lot, and we discussed it this weekend.
Rozel I wondered how her mother felt when she read the book. Were her feelings hurt? My moms feelings would have been
I wondered the same thing, and that is why I was surprised (in a good way) to find that her mom did that moving of the book - I thought to myself, "If my daughter portrayed me that way, I'd not want the entire world to read it"
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